I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
