im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
