You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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