if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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