she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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