I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
