i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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