I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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