Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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