Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
