so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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