We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
porn star boner night. come get it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
