I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
