pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
