Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i now understand why vodka
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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