I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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