Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
