Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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