But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
