Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize