A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
