this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
