So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
