theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
