My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
