God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is wine microwaveable?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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