Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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