I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.