note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
