If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
