It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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