I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
