he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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