i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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