i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
