Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
