I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
