Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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