Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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