I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
