think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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