i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
