using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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