she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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