He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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