I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
