Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
