i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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