You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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