i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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