Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
