Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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