in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
