Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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