is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
