So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
