well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
