He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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