So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
