remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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