The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
