I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So much rum. So many feels.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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