I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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