he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
