I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Houston, we have a squirter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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