from now on my penis is your penis
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
