Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
