you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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