but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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