she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
