Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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