Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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