Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
