i think my tv is drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
