He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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