My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
