You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
only if we run a train.
done.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
